Like most of you reading this, I’ve read too many terrible marketing & startup-related books.
Growth Hacker? I suppose it was okay, for it’s time.
This Is Marketing? Took nothing from it.
Traction? It could have been summed up in a blog post.
After searching for ‘Top 10 Marketing Books’ and reading everything I could find on those lists over the last few years, I’ve stopped buying marketing books because almost everyone was either aimed at beginners, were written as a lead-magnet with the aim of selling you consulting or a course, or they simply were written without anything actionable that I could actually ‘use’.
Like many during the last 9 months, my agency moved out of our office and we have worked entirely from home. A positive that came from that I started to read way more often, usually aiming for a book a week.
The first book I read was a gift that I received a couple of years back and had been on my shelf collecting dust ever since. It was the only book that I owned which I hadn’t already read, so to make things simple I started with that. It was The Brand Gap by Marty Neumeier.
It absolutely blew me away.
I read it from cover to cover in one sitting and then read it again the following week. I told everyone that would listen: “The Brand Gap is the single most important book I’ve ever read”.
After this, I spoke to friends working in branding, design, copywriting, and project management and asked for book recommendations. I specified that I didn’t want books that only scratched the surface, I wanted to read the books that changed their entire mindset and way or working.
I ended up with a huge reading list (and a few shelves full of books) which I worked my way through over the last few months. There was no filler, and nothing I’d consider to be average — I gained something significant from every single book.
I’ve compiled a list of seven of the books which I’d consider to have had the biggest impact on me.
For each book mentioned I’ll include a link to Bookshop, along with a testimonial and some of the book description.
1. The Brand Gap — Marty Neumeier

“A well-managed brand is the lifeblood of any successful company. Read this book before your competitors do!” ―TOM KELLEY, GENERAL MANAGER, IDEO
THE BRAND GAP is the first book to present a unified theory of brand. The second edition features a 220-term brand glossary and a premium softcover binding. Whereas most books on branding are weighted toward either a strategic or creative approach, this book shows how both ways of thinking can unite to produce a “charismatic brand” — a brand that customers feel is essential to their lives.

2. Everybody Writes — Ann Handley

“All your shiny new channels, properties, and platforms are a waste of space without smart, useful content. Ann Handley’s new book helps make every bit of content count — for your customers and your bottom line.” — Kristina Halvorson, President, Brain Traffic
If you have a website, you are a publisher. If you are on social media, you are in marketing. And that means that we are all relying on our words to carry our marketing messages. We are all writers.
Everybody Writes is your go-to guide to attracting and retaining customers through stellar online communication, because in our content-driven world, every one of us is a writer.

3. How Brands Grow: What Marketers Don’t Know — Byron Sharp

“…marketers need to move beyond the psycho-babble and read this book… or be left hopelessly behind.” — Joseph Tripodi, The Coca-Cola Company
Professor Byron Sharp is the Director of the Ehrenberg-Bass Institute for Marketing Science at the University of South Australia. The Institute’s fundamental research is used and financially supported by many of the world’s leading corporations including Coca-Cola, Kraft, Kellogg’s, British Airways, Procter & Gamble, Nielsen, TNS, Turner Broadcasting, Network Ten, Simplot, Mars and many others.

4. D&AD. The Copy Book

“The Copy Book convinced me that everyone in business should study the art of copywriting.” — Fortune.com
The book features a work selection and essays by 53 leading professionals in the world, including copywriting superstars such as David Abbott, Lionel Hunt, Steve Hayden, Dan Wieden, Neil French, Mike Lescarbeau, Adrian Holmes, and Barbara Nokes.
The lessons to be learned on these pages will help you create clearer and more persuasive arguments, whether you are writing an inspiring speech, an engaging web banner or a persuasive letter. This is not simply a “must-have” book for people in advertising and marketing, it is also a “should-have” for anyone who needs to involve or influence people, by webpage, on paper, or in person.

5. Junior: Writing Your Way Ahead in Advertising — Thomas Kemeny

“If my older and wiser brother were an ad book, these would be his exact words. If he’d ask me to wash his filthy car every Sunday in exchange for his wisdom, I’d say ‘No problem, ‘ knowing I got the better end of the deal.” — PAUL MALMSTROM, Creative Chairman and Co-Founder, Mother
There are a lot of great advertising books, but none that get down in the dirt with you quite like this one. Thomas Kemeny made a career at some of the best ad agencies in America. In this book he shows how he got in, how he’s stayed in, and how you can do it too. He breaks apart how to write fun, smart, and effective copy-everything from headlines to scripts to experiential activations-giving readers a lesson on a language we all thought we already knew.

6. Hey, Whipple, Squeeze This: The Classic Guide to Creating Great Ads — Luke Sullivan

“Classic must-read Sullivan mixed with innovation master Boches make the perfect duo. This is the book that will help guide new talent to great career starts. Required reading for a new era.” — Deborah Morrison**,** Distinguished Professor of Advertising, University of Oregon
Hey Whipple, Squeeze This has helped generations of young creatives make their mark in the field. From starting out and getting work, to building successful campaigns, you gain a real-world perspective on what it means to be great in a fast-moving, sometimes harsh industry. You’ll learn how to tell brand stories and create brand experiences online and in traditional media outlets, and you’ll learn more about the value of authenticity, simplicity, storytelling, and conflict.

7. Positioning: The Battle for Your Mind — Al Ries, Jack Trout

The first book to deal with the problems of communicating to a skeptical, media-blitzed public, Positioning describes a revolutionary approach to creating a “position” in a prospective customer’s mind-one that reflects a company’s own strengths and weaknesses as well as those of its competitors.
“…Ries and Trout taught me everything I know about branding, marketing, and product management. When I had the idea of creating a very large thematic community on the Web, I first thought of Positioning….” — David Bohnett, Chairman and Founder of GeoCities

So, there you have it. It’s worth nothing, my list above is just that; my list. I’m sure there are plenty of people that read books from that list and for whatever reason, it just didn’t resonate with them in the same way that Growth Hackersdoesn’t do it for me, either. These are simply the books I’d consider to be game-changing, and now recommend them to anyone working in marketing & e-commerce.
Got a book recommendation? I’d love to hear! Share some recommendations below.

7 books to transform your marketing

“A well-managed brand is the lifeblood of any successful company. Read this book before your competitors do!” ―TOM KELLEY, GENERAL MANAGER, IDEO
THE BRAND GAP is the first book to present a unified theory of brand. The second edition features a 220-term brand glossary and a premium softcover binding. Whereas most books on branding are weighted toward either a strategic or creative approach, this book shows how both ways of thinking can unite to produce a “charismatic brand” — a brand that customers feel is essential to their lives.

2. Everybody Writes — Ann Handley

“All your shiny new channels, properties, and platforms are a waste of space without smart, useful content. Ann Handley’s new book helps make every bit of content count — for your customers and your bottom line.” — Kristina Halvorson, President, Brain Traffic
If you have a website, you are a publisher. If you are on social media, you are in marketing. And that means that we are all relying on our words to carry our marketing messages. We are all writers.
Everybody Writes is your go-to guide to attracting and retaining customers through stellar online communication, because in our content-driven world, every one of us is a writer.

3. How Brands Grow: What Marketers Don’t Know — Byron Sharp

“…marketers need to move beyond the psycho-babble and read this book… or be left hopelessly behind.” — Joseph Tripodi, The Coca-Cola Company
Professor Byron Sharp is the Director of the Ehrenberg-Bass Institute for Marketing Science at the University of South Australia. The Institute’s fundamental research is used and financially supported by many of the world’s leading corporations including Coca-Cola, Kraft, Kellogg’s, British Airways, Procter & Gamble, Nielsen, TNS, Turner Broadcasting, Network Ten, Simplot, Mars and many others.

4. D&AD. The Copy Book

“The Copy Book convinced me that everyone in business should study the art of copywriting.” — Fortune.com
The book features a work selection and essays by 53 leading professionals in the world, including copywriting superstars such as David Abbott, Lionel Hunt, Steve Hayden, Dan Wieden, Neil French, Mike Lescarbeau, Adrian Holmes, and Barbara Nokes.
The lessons to be learned on these pages will help you create clearer and more persuasive arguments, whether you are writing an inspiring speech, an engaging web banner or a persuasive letter. This is not simply a “must-have” book for people in advertising and marketing, it is also a “should-have” for anyone who needs to involve or influence people, by webpage, on paper, or in person.

5. Junior: Writing Your Way Ahead in Advertising — Thomas Kemeny

“If my older and wiser brother were an ad book, these would be his exact words. If he’d ask me to wash his filthy car every Sunday in exchange for his wisdom, I’d say ‘No problem, ‘ knowing I got the better end of the deal.” — PAUL MALMSTROM, Creative Chairman and Co-Founder, Mother
There are a lot of great advertising books, but none that get down in the dirt with you quite like this one. Thomas Kemeny made a career at some of the best ad agencies in America. In this book he shows how he got in, how he’s stayed in, and how you can do it too. He breaks apart how to write fun, smart, and effective copy-everything from headlines to scripts to experiential activations-giving readers a lesson on a language we all thought we already knew.

6. Hey, Whipple, Squeeze This: The Classic Guide to Creating Great Ads — Luke Sullivan

“Classic must-read Sullivan mixed with innovation master Boches make the perfect duo. This is the book that will help guide new talent to great career starts. Required reading for a new era.” — Deborah Morrison**,** Distinguished Professor of Advertising, University of Oregon
Hey Whipple, Squeeze This has helped generations of young creatives make their mark in the field. From starting out and getting work, to building successful campaigns, you gain a real-world perspective on what it means to be great in a fast-moving, sometimes harsh industry. You’ll learn how to tell brand stories and create brand experiences online and in traditional media outlets, and you’ll learn more about the value of authenticity, simplicity, storytelling, and conflict.

7. Positioning: The Battle for Your Mind — Al Ries, Jack Trout

The first book to deal with the problems of communicating to a skeptical, media-blitzed public, Positioning describes a revolutionary approach to creating a “position” in a prospective customer’s mind-one that reflects a company’s own strengths and weaknesses as well as those of its competitors.
“…Ries and Trout taught me everything I know about branding, marketing, and product management. When I had the idea of creating a very large thematic community on the Web, I first thought of Positioning….” — David Bohnett, Chairman and Founder of GeoCities

3 months ago I posted a writeup about Robbin Slaughter, a 37-year-old man who vanished without a trace while walking to a convenience store in Owensboro, KY in 1993—NAMUS has forwarded my potential match with the Cleveland John Doe to law enforcement for DNA comparison!

Hi everyone! I was inspired by u/TheBonesofAutumn to post an update on Robbin Lewis Slaughter's case (original post included below) which I did a write-up on a few months ago. I had identified a set of remains from a male homicide victim found in a chimney in Cleveland as a potential match for Robbin and submitted the match to NAMUS for consideration. A few days ago, I received an email from the program officer letting me know that he will be forwarding the match to both law enforcement agencies for a potential DNA comparison!
Also, I am currently working on an extensive write-up of the case of Toni Danieelle Clark which has been nearly 3 years in the making (I've interviewed her family and friends as well as the law enforcement officers originally assigned to her case over the past few months in addition to FOIA requests) so stay tuned! My goal is to submit it to a newspaper as a long-form investigative journalism piece but I will post it on here regardless (totally a shot in the dark, but if anyone here has experience pitching articles, I'd love to speak with you!).
"A sweet and lovable person"
Robbin Lewis Slaughter was born to Dorothy ‘Dot’ Slaughter and William J. Slaughter in Owensboro, KY in the predominately black West End neighborhood. By all accounts, Slaughter––who was 36-years-old at the time of his disappearance––was a bit of a homebody. He kept his social circle small and rarely ventured outside the 5 or 6 places he frequented in town. He didn’t drive and usually got around town on foot––even his workplace was 1.3 miles (less than a 30-minute walk) from his home. He didn’t drink, gamble, or go out on the town. Slaughter’s coworkers at the Owensboro Public Works Department described the 16-year-veteran clean-up crew member as a diligent and hard worker who was never late or missed a day of work. Rudd Slaughter, Robbin’s older brother, was also employed by the department as a sanitation truck driver and the pair would sometimes work together.
“He’s a good worker. He’s very dependable,” said Cissy Gregson, director of Owensboro’s sanitation department. “He’s easygoing. He wouldn’t get in a confrontation with anybody.”
Slaughter was extraordinarily close with his family. “Even though he was grown, he lived with my mom until a couple of months before he was married,” Slaughter’s sister Kitty Board said. Dot even had power of attorney over her son’s finances up until he married Lucinda.
“He was a sweet and lovable person, but he needed looking after,” Board said.
Robbin Slaughter married his childhood friend Lucinda in 1991 after a whirlwind romance. The pair went out a few times when Lucinda was 15, although the two didn’t begin dating seriously until 12 years later when they reconnected at church. After Lucinda was critically injured in a car accident in 1990, Robbin visited her regularly during the two months she was in the hospital. Lucinda says Robbin’s frequent visits convinced her of his caring nature and she started to see him as a potential father figure for her two daughters.
Robbin’s family was skeptical of his budding romance and felt the couple was moving too fast. Both Slaughter’s brother and mother said they noticed a change in his behavior after the marriage. He used to like to listen to music and sports but “he cut back when he got married” according to Rudd.
“He changed,” his brother recalled. “He wouldn’t come out as often. He settled down, just went to work and church.” Slaughter’s mother reported that after his marriage to Lucinda, he didn’t visit as often (he used to visit her once a month).
His sister said that even after the marriage her family never accepted her brother’s wife and stepdaughters, and that there was a mutual agreement that “we don’t question each other’s lives." Lucinda herself readily admitted that Slaughter’s family didn’t get along with her, although she claims that she reconciled with Slaughter’s mother in the years following Robbin’s disappearance.
Slaughter was the polar opposite of someone who would run away to start a new life.
"He never went on any trips without family," said Slaughter's sister, Kitty Board. “He didn't stay away from home.... He never ventured out of his comfort zone. If you would say, 'Where's Robbin?' there were five or six places he could be."
Timeline –– (Google Map of important locations)
When Slaughter vanished on the evening of Saturday, November 14, 1993 it was a shock.
“He’d not been out of state and very seldom out of town,” Board said. “He’s not the type of person who would plan to leave.”
Slaughter’s wife Lucinda told police that that evening, at around 9pm, her husband left their home at 2714 West 10th Street to walk to Franey’s Food Mart which was a trip he made frequently. It was an unseasonably warm day for mid-November, with a high near 75 degrees. At night, however, the temperature dropped as a line of evening thunderstorms moved through the area so Slaughter chose to put his gray and blue sweater on over his athletic shirt. He was also wearing a pair of blue jeans and white tennis shoes.
Lucinda said that Slaughter let her know that he would be back in around 40 to 45 minutes. She told police that her husband was not distraught when he left the house and did not notice anything strange about his behavior.
The convenience store was less than a 15-minute walk from Slaughter’s home so it made a perfect destination for an evening walk. Of the two possible routes he could have taken, both went through quiet, tree-lined streets dotted with small single-family homes. Franey’s is located at the intersection of Cravens Avenue and Carter Road on the far west end of town. The southwest corner of this intersection marks the beginning of a vast expanse of farmland and open fields. On this night, however, Slaughter never made it inside the store.
The next morning at around 9 or 9:30am Lucinda Slaughter knocked on Board’s door, inquiring as to whether Board had seen her brother. When Board said that she hadn’t, Slaughter reported her husband missing.
Being a small, locally-owned chain, the cashier at Franey’s was familiar with Slaughter as he was a regular customer. Connie Carlisle, the cashier working on the night of Slaughter’s disappearance, told police that Slaughter never entered the store that evening, something which a review of surveillance footage from inside the store confirmed. One witness placed him in the parking lot at Franey’s but this report was never confirmed.
“A (teen-age) boy talked with him in the parking lot, but he (Slaughter) never came in,” Carlisle later told a reporter. According to Carlisle, Slaughter and this boy “were friends.” The police apparently talked to the teenager Slaughter was last seen with but the boy denied talking with Slaughter and said he had only seen him in the parking lot.
His mother and siblings quickly cast doubt on the idea that Slaughter chose to disappear––he was extremely close with his family and would never abandon them. Sgt. Michael Walker of the Owensboro Police Department’s criminal investigations bureau concurred with the family’s assessment, stating that “there were no extraordinary circumstances that stood out as to why he would fit the profile of someone who would want to get away from it all.” The police did not find anything in Slaughter’s background that indicated he had any reason to disappear.
"He had family here," Sgt. Walker said. "There were no significant issues he was facing that would prompt him to take off without a word to anyone."
Slaughter did not have any financial troubles or known enemies that might have led him to abandon his quiet life in Owensboro. Both Lucinda and Slaughter’s family said that he was happy in the marriage and that he cared deeply for his stepdaughters.
Even if Slaughter wanted to leave Owensboro and start a new life elsewhere, he would need to either get a ride from someone or take public transportation because he didn’t have a car. A year and a half before Slaughter’s disappearance a new bus terminal opened at 1216 E. 2nd Street with daily service to Evansville and Henderson. The terminal is just over a 3 mile walk from the Franey’s Food Mart where Slaughter was last seen and would take him roughly an hour to travel there on foot. Besides, a number of Slaughter’s relatives lived close by.
At the same time, there was no evidence a crime had taken place. Yet police see no other possibility aside from foul play.
“They should have done this years ago”: Investigating (and excluding) Lucinda as a suspect
The police investigation quickly hit a dead end in 1993, which is perhaps partially due to a number of problems impacting the department. Chief Ulysses Embry, a 40-year veteran of the Owensboro Police Department, retired in May of 1992 and left the department in need of new leadership. Tensions between the Police Department and City Hall reached a fever pitch in 1993 when disgruntled patrol officers with the Fraternal Order of Police organized a Back the Blue campaign. The department had also recently hired a number of new officers, most of whom were young and inexperienced.
“The police department has got some young boys,” Embry told reporters in 1993. “These boys mean well, but they will learn that they have got the responsibility of their job.”
The police were slow to investigate Slaughter's disappearance initially and none of the news reports mentions a search being conducted for him. The extent of the police investigation in 1993 appears to have consisted of two 'witness' interviews (the clerk and the teenage boy) and a review of surveillance footage from Franey's. It wasn't until 2002 that police are known to have conducted a physical search for Slaughter.
Two searches of Lucinda Calhoun’s (she remarried in the years following Robbin's disappearance) former property at 2714 W. 10th Street were conducted in 2002 and a portion of the property was excavated after cadaver dogs alerted to the location. A separate portion of the adjoining backyard of 2710 W. 10th Street, Lucinda's mother's house, was also excavated. Officers originally identified Lucinda as a possible suspect in the early weeks of Slaughter’s disappearance based on rumors that she had harmed her husband. Lt. Ken Bennett declined to disclose how authorities obtained the new information but said that “it’s more detailed [...] than the earlier rumors." Lucinda gave police permission to search and excavate the backyard, but on the second day of the search police returned with a search warrant for the home on the property because they expected to conduct a “much more elaborate” search.
[Photos of the search]
Authorities dug two holes on Lucinda’s property––one 6-feet deep by 10-feet wide portion was excavated along the back fence with a second 3-feet deep by 3-feet wide excavation site in the center of the backyard. Before dawn on the second day of the search, detectives used Luminol inside the home to search for blood and seized a handful of items––including a door––for additional testing.
“They said they would do this quietly, and they’re here at church time,” Lucinda told reporters during the search. “They should have done this nine years ago.”
After the searches of Lucinda’s property came up empty in 2002, police officially classified Slaughter’s disappearance as a cold case. Lt. Bennett told the media at the time that the case would remain cold until new information surfaces. In the meantime, Lt. Bennett said that the Owensboro Police would continue to treat Slaughter’s disappearance as a noncriminal missing person case.
Lucinda accused the police of harassment, claiming that they unfairly targeted her as a suspect in her husband’s disappearance. Members of the St. Louis-based Universal African People’s Organization joined Lucinda’s family and friends in gathering in front of Lucinda’s former home to provide moral support and call attention to what they described as "police harassment." Representatives of the group later met with Mayor Waymond Morris and Owensboro Police Chief John Kazlauskas.
Morris told the media that he had a “very cordial conversation” with the group, although he dismissed the accusations of harassment as unfounded.
“I just listened to what they said, and I told them I’d look into it,” Morris recalled. “They said they wanted me to look into possible harassment. I think they feel like that maybe on several different occasions the police department has been overaggressive in searching.”
Police excluded Lucinda as a suspect in her husband's disappearance after the search in 2002. She has always maintained her innocence and continues to search for answers in his case.
Racism
While researching this case, I came across an online forum page for Owensboro where residents apparently discuss community issues (in reality it seems to be used to gossip/harass people). One of the posts, created a month ago, concerns Robbin’s nephew who still lives in the town and reads:

“I wonder if that loud mouth n***** still works at Hunter Douglas, I quit because I got sick of listening to his loud mouth, he is one worthless n*****!!!”

Obviously this is an anonymous comment posted online so it has to be taken with a grain of salt but the fact that the poster uses the n-word (which appears uncensored in the original post) is noteworthy. While Robbin’s social circle was small, the Slaughter family was well-known in Owensboro. Kitty Board was (and still is) heavily involved in the West End community and openly spoke out against the gun violence plaguing the neighborhood. In fact, Board was quoted extensively in the local newspaper four months prior to her brother's disappearance in an article about illegal firearms.
The Owensboro police have also been accused of racial profiling and police brutality. The town has quite the storied legacy when it comes to questionable law enforcement tactics. In 1968, after a young black man named Jerry Brown was shot and killed at a local white-owned nightclub, protests broke out in “the Negro West End” of the city. 20 people were arrested. Then Mayor Irvin Terrill pledged to “dissolve the militant influence” which he claimed was behind the violent outbreak, namely, the “Negro gangs.” Police Chief Vernie Bidwell doubled down on the mayor’s threat, warning that the police were “tired” of being cursed by “young punks” and would crack down.
Mayor Waymond Morris came under fire in 2000 for his lackluster response to protests over the fatal shooting of Tyrone Clayton Jr. Clayton was shot twice by Owensboro Police Officer Lorhn Frazier after he was pulled over for reckless driving. The Mayor sent a letter to NAACP attorney Evan Taylor to inform the group that he would no longer be meeting with them at city hall.
Accidental death?
There are hundreds of acres of farmland just 100 feet from the convenience store which one could ostensibly get lost in easily especially at night. The issue with this theory is that Slaughter disappeared in mid-November, which is after fall planting season. The fact that the field would have been recently plowed coupled with the flat terrain of the area would make it exceedingly difficult for someone to get lost.
Satellite images show a small retention pond on this nearby farm located roughly 730 feet from intersection near Franey’s which could most easily be reached by walking parallel to the rear of the houses on Carter Road. The pond is bound by fields on three sides so it is possible that Slaughter wasn’t able to see it if he was walking in the dark. From what I was able to find out, the catch basin was created in 1987 by the local government to reduce flash flooding on Carter Road, so it would have been there at the time of Slaughter’s disappearance.
Most retention ponds have a depth of 4-6 feet so if the water level was high, Slaughter (who was 5’ 7”) may not have been able to stand. If Slaughter didn’t know how to swim, it’s possible that he fell in and struggled to get his bearings on the thick layer of sediment on the bottom of the pond and drowned. Since his lungs would have filled with water, his body would have sunk to the bottom of the pond and subsequently covered by sediment. Retention ponds are typically dredged every 5-10 years, however, so if Slaughter’s body was there, I would assume that some of his remains would have been discovered. Also, because the retention pond appears to be owned by the city itself, they presumably would be able to search it without a warrant.
Questions
I honestly have nothing but questions about this case.

Did police ever search the area around Franey's food mart? From what I can tell, they only searched Lucinda's property. If they didn't search the area––why not? Did the police take the case seriously from the beginning?
Given the fact that Slaughter's mother had power of attorney over his finances until he was in his 30s and he didn't drive, it seems highly unlikely that he could have disappeared on his own (although he has no motive to run away). The only scenario in which a voluntary disappearance makes sense to me is if Slaughter met someone and the two planned on starting a new life together somewhere else. But who?
As far as I know, Lucinda was eliminated as a suspect after the searches in 2002 leaving the police with zero other leads. Was this a random crime of opportunity and Slaughter just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? Could he have seen something he shouldn't have and been kidnapped and killed in retaliation?

There are no unidentified persons on NAMUS matching Slaughter's description except one. In 1999, a furnace installer in Cleveland was attempting to clear a blockage in the chimney when he discovered what appeared to be human remains. The partial remains were later identified as those of a black male, age 37-47 (Slaughter disappeared nine days before his 37th birthday), who died "by violence of undetermined origin." The unidentified man was 5'7" (same height) and had died sometime between 1900 and 1999.
Here is a side-by-side comparison of the two.
The only things that don't line up are the location and the clothing found on the body. John Doe was found in a chimney in Cleveland, OH––a 7-hour drive from Owensboro, KY. Slaughter didn't drive and he had never left the state so if this were him, he must have been taken to Cleveland alive and then killed at some point (but why drive someone 7 hours away?). John Doe's clothing also doesn't match the description of when Slaughter was last seen, although if he was taken so far away he might have changed clothes.
EDIT: Thanks so much everyone for taking the time to read about this case and for kind words––Robbin's disappearance is very confusing and troubling (as well as basically unreported outside of Owensboro) so I'm happy that more people can learn about his story!
EDIT 2: I submitted Robbin as a potential match for the Cleveland John Doe and will post an update if I hear back.
EDIT 3 (11/3): The NAMUS regional program officer just responded to my submission of a potential match and it has been forwarded to both investigating agencies for future DNA comparison of Robbin and the Cleveland John Doe.
Sources
Joy Campbell, “Search for body comes up empty: Police follow up on new information in 9-year-old case of missing man,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, September 9, 2002, pg. 1-2A. [part 1, part 2]
Matthew Francis, “Protest by civil rights activists will not be heard by city officials,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, November 30, 2000, pg. 3.
Dan Heckel, “Case leaves family in limbo: Probe of man’s 1993 disappearance has gone nowhere,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, November 17, 1996, pg. 1-2A. [part 1, part 2]
––– “Family’s hoping for safe return of missing man,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, February 14, 1994, pg. 1-2A. [part 1, part 2]
Stewart Jennison, “Buses coming to town: Daily trips will link Owensboro with Evansville,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, May 16, 1992, pg. 9.
James Mayse, “Unfinished Business,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, April 20, 2015, pg. A1.
Tracy McQueen, “Mayoral candidates agree: Police morale needs improvement,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, October 31, 1995, pg. 1.
––– “Police Chief Embry to retire: Announcement brings 40-year career to close,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, May 7, 1992, pg. 1.
“Police looking for missing 36-year-old man,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, November 18, 1993, pg. 21.
Justin Willis, “Police call off second search of yard: Effort to locate missing man for 9 years continues,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, September 13, 2002, pg. 1-2A. [part 1, part. 2]
––– “St. Louis group extends support in investigation of missing man: Organization claims police harassing woman whose 1st husband disappeared,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, October 30, 2002, pg. 1-2A. [part 1, part 2]
––– "Woman: Police causing ‘heartaches and harm,’” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, October 4, 2002, pg. 1-2A. [part 1, part 2]

A morons journey (My trip report)

TL;DR: What the actual Fuck. (Maybe 5/6 grams Lemon Tekked)
I've made bad decisions in my life, countless in fact, you could say that I'm drawn to bad decision making like a moth to a flame, a really, very low IQ moth with borderline learning disability. I will preface this story with saying that this may have been my worst decision I have ever made.
I'm one of these people who goes on trustpilot and clicks '5 star reviews only' in order to re-establish my confidence in a product or company that I am excited to use, usually after purchasing and awaiting delivery, you could call it being optimistic, but a more accurate description would involve deserved play yard insults implying lower intelligence, so when I first saw a documentary on Youtube pop up in my recommendations discussing the amazing life altering effects of Magic mushrooms, I was instantly hooked and intrigued, needless to say I scoffed at the notion that a 'trip' could take a sharp downward trajectory to anyone, but more specifically a novice user, unaware of the potential that a mushroom that can be found down the street a my local dairy farm could have. After all, I have done every drug under the sun, minus a few of the life ruining heavy hitters available in the darker parts of my city, I'd partied hard in my life, but my assurance lay mainly with my vast experience with Marijuana, after all, if you have done high doses of marijuana, life begins to feel trippy, things begin to get a little 'psychadelic', how much different could a shrooms trip be? Famous last words.
Add to that the fact that I meditate daily for 20 minutes (and one day about a month ago, 23 minutes when my timer malfunctioned), my arrogance coming into this experience was insummountable and honestly looking back, kind of funny.
Magic mushrooms are not exactly easy to find where I live, and nowhere to be bought either so soon after my interest peaked following my happenstance online introduction to the wide world of psychadelics I was despondant that it seemed as though the door shut swiftly behind me and my life altering experience of rainbows and lollypops and endless sunshine that was to innevitably to come after ingestion would have to be put on the back burner for the foreseeable future. Then as I was perusing every thread available to me following the google search 'Magic mushrooms changed my life', 'shrooms are amazing' and really every conceivable variation of positive buzz words following the words magic mushrooms or shrooms, my google ad sense was tingling and low and behold the answer to all my prayers was revealed in the form of sponsored advertising, available direct from the groovy good time capital of the world, Amsterdam, in the form of Magic Truffles.
This site claimed that these Magic truffles delivered the exact same experience available through the use of their above ground cousins, but were legal to sell and ingest as opposed to their aforementioned relatives. One quick google search of 'Magic mushrooms are the same as Magic Truffles' and one vague bit of text below a possible clickable google link with no context which read exactly the same as what I had typed in the search box (funny that) and I was convinced and away to the races. Obviously in all my infinite wisdom and countless hours of research, which could be more accurately summed up as 'seeking positive reinforcement to the idea that I was already set to pursue' I was all ready for the world famous 'Heroes Journey'! Seeing as though I had to order and wait for delivery I thought it best that I start with the most potent strain available, 2 packs, 30 odd grams. Much to my delight the online shop had the option available to seperate reviews based on star ratings and after reading several 5 star reviews claiming an amazing experience and overlooking the constant advice that this level is not for a novice user (because I smoke MJ and meditate it doesn't apply to me! Right?! Right?!) I was ready to rock and/or roll.
While I was waiting for my delivery, which at this point in my head was just a box full of 'life change', I more or less imagined I would just crack it open and my existence as it was would be improved in every area, I would be like popeye throwing back spinach and hulking out, but instead my brain would realise its life purpose through the experience and then I would be put on the right path, which is honestly something I never had, a path, a purpose, something more than a menial human existence. Anyway I read about the best ways to have a trip, the best time, I even researched the best lunar times for a trip as I was convinced the moon would have an abject effect on my experience, ridiculous, but I wanted to do this right. I bought a coffee grinder and decided on a lemon tek for a stronger more enlightening experience, filled with even more rainbows and lollipops and elves braiding each others hair in the sunlight. I was ready to go, I even started to refer to myself as a psychonaut to my brother, who correctly insulted and laughed at me, perhaps just because it's just a ridiculous thing to verbalise to someone in the real world, and even though I said it as an offhanded joke in regards to my coming experience, part of me believed it to be true or at least that it would innevitably be the truth.
The day came, I hadn't eaten in the morning, I had slept (although perhaps like a kid on Christmas Eve excited to wake and open his presents), I meditated for a full hour and I had just returned from a short walk in the forest while listening to a Joe Rogan psychadelic compilation on youtube (skipping over any discussion of bad trips, because that doesn't apply to me, I meditate you see, 20 minutes, everyday!!) and I was as ready as I was every going to be. My freshly ground Magic truffles lay in a glass immersed in lemon juice and in my eyes it appeared as if this concoction was some kind of magical wizardry in which all my questions (and prayers) could and would be answered, my living room was cleaned and I had but a pen and paper ready to scribble down what would be my life purpose, plan and all the answers to the universe that I could then spread to my disinterested famly and friends. Going into it I imagined as though I could sit and the shrooms would magically show a clear path and answer all the questions I wrote down, the big one circled and and underlined and 3 times the size of everything else written on the page, 'WHAT IS MY PURPOSE', you could call that my main trip intention.
I was a little nervous as I chugged down 30 grams of the most disgusting tasting thing I had ingested since my brother undercooked lasagne when mum was away for a conference when I was 13, and the consistncy wasn't winning any best in show awards either, but it was done, I was jyving to some Bob Marley, and the nerves settled, my life was about to change!
Around 15 minutes in, the TV I was streaming my music on started to become wavy and the colours appeared more vivid and vibrant, I turned to my cat and revealed while grinning 'It's starting', and she looked back and said 'You're damn right!' (Just kidding....or am I). I was now vibing hard at this point to the music and was ready to shut it off and jump on the answer train, all aboard, the time had come, I was ready to change. I closed my eyes and lay back.
In the early minutes of my trip I just let my brain wander about a bit and I would vary between thinking the colours behind my eyelids were super cool and deeply considering every showerthought I had perused the night before, thinking different variations of 'huh', 'cool', 'wow', 'Wait, did my cat just talk to me!? 'that's so true' 'I never thought of that' and generally feeling awesome and cool, I had given in to the experience (hahahaha) just like I read online and was advised , that wasn't so hard, probably because I meditate you see, 20 minutes, everyday!! Play time was over now, I was ready to get down to business, 'What is your purpose?', I would repeat this in my head in an non forceful manner not sure at this point what to expect, my body was starting to shake a little bit now and I reached for the comfort of my coach blanket, still feeling good, still vibing, still on my heroes journey, just thought it to be part of the experience, but the shaking didn't stop.
In fact it got worse, maybe I was an hour in at this point and I was completely wrapped from head to neck in several blankets still shaking and starting to grow concerned. My positive vibes and hopes for the trip were out the window and halfway to the next town over at this point and my thoughts had turned darker, and filled with relentless anxiety, the first speed bump in my 'spiritual awakening' came in the form of body shakes and it sent me down the hole of which I would not return while the shrooms were working their magic around my body. 'You bought these online, what if they're poisoned!', 'you're a loser!' and maybe worst of all, 'YOU ARE GOING TO BE THIS WAY FOREVER!', round the merry go round the thoughts went, each time the same statement or feeling I had felt minutes earlier progressively escalated in the gut punch of raw emotion and pain that I felt, each reaffirmation of the feeling making me feel worse and worse.
Maybe I was 90 minutes in now, I was no longer wrapped cosily on the couch vibing to classic reggae, now I was in an inescapable fortress which felt roughly like how I had always imagined hell, except in place of lucifer and never ending physical torture, I was trapped in my own head sitting upright on the couch rocking back and forth staring at my hand as I clung to the notion that I was human, it was the only anchor I had left in this existense, I was never going to give into this experience, I now after the trip realise what posters meant by 'give in', but my brain was so unprepared and I was so unprepared to lose myself completely I did the worst thing I could, I fought...against 30 grams of the strongest strain of Truffles (Maybe 4/5 grams dried)...on a lemon tek, but you see...I meditate...everyday...for....uhhh whatever.
As I stared at my hand it felt like I was in the movie Get Out when the main character is trapped in his own body after step mother of the year hypnotises him with her words and mystical tea cup, but I could still move, I could still pace around the room literally apologising, asking whoever or whatever was listening to let me out. I would consider myself mainly an atheist so looking back and thinking about what I felt in those moments is now interesting, although I imagine many atheists turn to a higher power in their final moments, which as I believed in my heart, I was going to die.
I'll preface this next part by saying that I have a girlfriend who was working during this whole 'ordeal' or otherwise known as 'the incident' and I had carved out a solid 7 hour window in which I knew that I would be left alone to 'discover myself', at this point in the trip one of my main fears riding the merry go round was that my gf would suddenly appear in the doorway separating the kitchen and the living room where I was quickly losing all sense of self and just imagining the worst possible reactions that a human person can emote seeing what she would be exposed to and it was about the worst nightmare I could imagine at that point in time (Although time was a relative term at that point...in existence(?))
Things got worse as the minutes passed, you ever smoke to much, get so baked and then shower and you feel like you are literally in an angels embrace just beyond the pearly gates, another similar feeling of relief is when I stick my head under the tap in the bathroom and guzzle the months water supply of a small nation and literally feel that the feeling is comparable to that of ecstacy, yeah shrooms isn't at all like that is it? But it was my hail mary pass and at that point sitting on the couch praying to the mushroom gods and rocking back and forth staring at my hand like a character in the 3rd act of a 90's horror flick seemed to be pushing me further over the abyss. Walking to the bathroom was horrible, I still had that 'get out' passenger view through my eyes and my legs looked so very very far from my eyes, I decided to stick with a winning (?) formula and cried and prayed the gruelling 20 step walk while staring at my hand although at that point as far as reality anchors go, it was waivering and I was unsure of what I was at that point. I decide (whatever decide means at that point) to go straight to the cold shower and forego the 2nd option of potentially life affirming marathon water chug and as soon as the water hit my scalp I felt better. Haha nah just kidding, showering on shrooms is so alien I can't even describe what it felt like, especially running my hands through my wet hair, feels like aliens touching and carressing my scalp and not in anyway was it comforting, I was to far gone, Actually the cool water slowed my negative thoughts so that was something. I was back in the fetal position, but now I was naked in the shower with ET massaging my scalp as I lapped up cold water from the unwashed shower floor, afraid that if I shifted the water from my head in order to drink from the shower head the bad thoughts would instantly return and I just couldn't have that.
Who knows how deep I was now, how long it had been, what my name was, what I was, where I was or what the fuck was going on, I never gave in to the mushrooms, I kept fighting and fighting the whole way, I was a complete disaster, I hadn't only lost sight of why I was doing this, WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?', I didn't even know anything, nor did I remember ingestion, I was completely gone, my ego was gone, I was praying for what felt like forever, lying on the floor of my shower soaking wet, apologising to a non existent entity and begging to be let go. It was not over.
The shower helped in some ways but not in any real sense, I think I was still only going deeper and deeper into hell and the shower had been my hail mary, my brains sliver of sunshine, my 'AHA! moment' when I was fetal on the couch and it had failed me, I had no moves left, I was sitting up at this point and was shivering and needed to get warm, hot/warm water felt like torture as even slightly warm I was sure it would get hotter without notice and burn me which sent my anxiety through the roof. I finally mustered up the motivation to stand up and make moves, I think I was past the worst of it, I turn around, and my worst nightmare came to life, it came in the form of a person standing in front of me with a dumfounded and terrified look on their face.
Yes, you guessed it, my reflection! An absolute disaster and a true sight to behold, naked shivering and crying in all my wonderful glory. But that couldn't be me, I don't look that much like a primate?? Yes I was in the worst mental shape of my life at that second and I looked as bad as I physically could as a human, but I swear I could have been shipped to a cage in the local zoo, start snacking on whatever deluxe fruit was served that afternoon and noone would have been the wiser, it was terrifying dont look in the mirror! DON'T! I began touching my face and observing the incredible likeness I had to our primal ancestors and any illusions I had about what I actually looked like were shattered. But it did remind me of who I am a bit and that was a slight turning point. Side note, I felt that for a few days after the trip and struggled to look in the mirror without whincing a little bit, I dimmed the lights to the lowest possible setting and showered in the dark, but the feeling passed and I came to terms with the fact that as well as my illusions being shattered, the reality was, I was also out of my mind on shrooms and I was shivering and soaking wet from a freezing cold shower (I also forgot to moiturise that morning) #justshroomythings
Some more time passed and I did feel like I was slowly coming out of it, I still felt terrible, absolutely the worst I have ever felt, except for 5 minutes prior when I felt even worse (if that makes sense) than that and I took so much solace in that, slowly realising you're not going to die is a pretty amazing feeling, remembering who, where and what you are.
I returned to the safety of the pile of 45 blankets I had assembled in the corner of my living room couch and just as I was about to be met beneath them with what I imagine would have been incredible relief I realised that the window was ajar, I had opened it during the start of my meltdown/monster ego death in an attempt to get some fresh air and stay in control, had my inside cat gotten outside? Did a bird of prey take her to their nest to serve as food for their squaking evil offspring, whatever anxiety I had rangled into submission in whatever alotted time I penciled in for my alien shower flew off the handle again and I was back in it, running around the house stark naked screaming my cats name, praying that she was inside sleeping somewhere but she was nowhere to be found, the anxiety was unbearable, I was convinced she was gone and probably deceased, if not somehow decapitated. What would I say to my girlfriend? How could I be so stupid? At this moment I was at my open front door naked with the door which faces quite a busy road between cities screaming my cats name in 2 or 3 degree weather, and just before I completely destroyed my life and stepped outside in full view of whatever neighbour was walking their dog or peaking through the window after hearing a deranged soaking wet naked man that so closely resembled a chimp they wouldn't know whether to call the police or animal control to deal with this issue I hear a 'meow' behind me and I turn and yawning and pacing towards me looking slightly annoyed is my wonderful cat. I feel the most profound sense of relief that I have ever felt, it was truly otherwordly and once I was back inside with the door closed behind me I felt genuine euphoria for about10 minutes, I was crying and hugging my cat, who really wasn't having it but I didnt give her an option at that point.
I was back, side window was closed and I was under the pile of 82 blankets blaring Bob Marley again. The euphoria wore off, but I was out, I had been set free. I sat there with the music turned right down trying to make sense of what the fuck just happened. I said as such over and over and the more the euphoria faded the more active I became, I was pacing the room rubbing my hands over my damp head saying 'What the fuck' to myself genuinely unsure of what had just transpired. I hadn't learned the vast secrets of the universe or been amazed and immersed in the groovy wavy colours, I hadn't figured out my life purpose, or even made any leway in the journey towards it.
I was arrogant and reckless, I thought because I smoked alot of weed and meditated I was ahead of the pack and could take on any experience. I laughed at the idea of a trip sitter, I was so enamoured with the idea of a heroes journey that anything less would have been futile and in my mind pointless. I can say this, I have much more of an appreciation for life now, I thought in those hours that my time was up, that my journey had come to an end and in the early portion of my ego death I felt regret that I hadn't done more and been more. I have been humbled in my everyday life, and I feel as though I strive to be a better person. I now know how much I love my cat and my girlfriend, and am so grateful to have them. I quit sports gambling as a big theme of my trip was how I was a loser and I don't keep track of losses because if I did I would feel ashamed. I remember moments of the trip where I felt incredibly connected to everything, my biggest takeaway from this experience is that we all are connected deeply and that's an amazing thing to know I think.
Anyone reading this who wants to experiment with psychadelics, they are no joke. Just because you've done every other drug under the sun and think you can handle anything, you can't, these things will rip apart the most stable person IF you are reckless with them, if you aren't prepared. Truth is, even someone else had written this and if I read this post before my trip and read the warnings I still think I would have done it, because I was reckless and felt invincible and I know some of you reading this feel that way too (beginners I mean), just start slow you idiot.
I hope this story doesn't deter anyone interested in a psychadelic experience, honestly I thought I would right a summary of my trip and hit post but 5 hours later hear I am proof reading this for the 4th time, writing about it has been theraputic and I appreciate all you real psychonauts who took the time to read it (I tried to make it as entertaining as I could). I'm sure shrooms are amazing and transformative in the right environment and used by the right educated person at a proper beginner level dose, DON'T BE RECKLESS...DON'T BE ME!
The last thing I'll say is that I remember over and over apologising to the 'mushroom gods' or whatever entity I believed was there as I was falling to the depths of hell in my experience and I remember saying that if they let me out, if they let me free and if they allowed me to live I would never return, I would never use shrooms again, that I was unworthy and even though I could potentially take a much lower dose and be fine, I made a promise that afternoon and I intend to keep it, and I'm an atheist (?) so that's just how profound this experience was.

A morons journey (my 'heroic' trip report)

I was told at another shroom subreddit that perhaps my trip report will be enjoyed by some here.
TL;DR: What the actual Fuck. (Maybe 5/6 grams Lemon Tekked)
I've made bad decisions in my life, countless in fact, you could say that I'm drawn to bad decision making like a moth to a flame, a really, very low IQ moth with borderline learning disability. I will preface this story with saying that this may have been my worst decision I have ever made.
I'm one of these people who goes on trustpilot and clicks '5 star reviews only' in order to re-establish my confidence in a product or company that I am excited to use, usually after purchasing and awaiting delivery, you could call it being optimistic, but a more accurate description would involve deserved play yard insults implying lower intelligence, so when I first saw a documentary on Youtube pop up in my recommendations discussing the amazing life altering effects of Magic mushrooms, I was instantly hooked and intrigued, needless to say I scoffed at the notion that a 'trip' could take a sharp downward trajectory to anyone, but more specifically a novice user, unaware of the potential that a mushroom that can be found down the street a my local dairy farm could have. After all, I have done every drug under the sun, minus a few of the life ruining heavy hitters available in the darker parts of my city, I'd partied hard in my life, but my assurance lay mainly with my vast experience with Marijuana, after all, if you have done high doses of marijuana, life begins to feel trippy, things begin to get a little 'psychadelic', how much different could a shrooms trip be? Famous last words.
Add to that the fact that I meditate daily for 20 minutes (and one day about a month ago, 23 minutes when my timer malfunctioned), my arrogance coming into this experience was insummountable and honestly looking back, kind of funny.
Magic mushrooms are not exactly easy to find where I live, and nowhere to be bought either so soon after my interest peaked following my happenstance online introduction to the wide world of psychadelics I was despondant that it seemed as though the door shut swiftly behind me and my life altering experience of rainbows and lollypops and endless sunshine that was to innevitably to come after ingestion would have to be put on the back burner for the foreseeable future. Then as I was perusing every thread available to me following the google search 'Magic mushrooms changed my life', 'shrooms are amazing' and really every conceivable variation of positive buzz words following the words magic mushrooms or shrooms, my google ad sense was tingling and low and behold the answer to all my prayers was revealed in the form of sponsored advertising, available direct from the groovy good time capital of the world, Amsterdam, in the form of Magic Truffles.
This site claimed that these Magic truffles delivered the exact same experience available through the use of their above ground cousins, but were legal to sell and ingest as opposed to their aforementioned relatives. One quick google search of 'Magic mushrooms are the same as Magic Truffles' and one vague bit of text below a possible clickable google link with no context which read exactly the same as what I had typed in the search box (funny that) and I was convinced and away to the races. Obviously in all my infinite wisdom and countless hours of research, which could be more accurately summed up as 'seeking positive reinforcement to the idea that I was already set to pursue' I was all ready for the world famous 'Heroes Journey'! Seeing as though I had to order and wait for delivery I thought it best that I start with the most potent strain available, 2 packs, 30 odd grams. Much to my delight the online shop had the option available to seperate reviews based on star ratings and after reading several 5 star reviews claiming an amazing experience and overlooking the constant advice that this level is not for a novice user (because I smoke MJ and meditate it doesn't apply to me! Right?! Right?!) I was ready to rock and/or roll.
While I was waiting for my delivery, which at this point in my head was just a box full of 'life change', I more or less imagined I would just crack it open and my existence as it was would be improved in every area, I would be like popeye throwing back spinach and hulking out, but instead my brain would realise its life purpose through the experience and then I would be put on the right path, which is honestly something I never had, a path, a purpose, something more than a menial human existence. Anyway I read about the best ways to have a trip, the best time, I even researched the best lunar times for a trip as I was convinced the moon would have an abject effect on my experience, ridiculous, but I wanted to do this right. I bought a coffee grinder and decided on a lemon tek for a stronger more enlightening experience, filled with even more rainbows and lollipops and elves braiding each others hair in the sunlight. I was ready to go, I even started to refer to myself as a psychonaut to my brother, who correctly insulted and laughed at me, perhaps just because it's just a ridiculous thing to verbalise to someone in the real world, and even though I said it as an offhanded joke in regards to my coming experience, part of me believed it to be true or at least that it would innevitably be the truth.
The day came, I hadn't eaten in the morning, I had slept (although perhaps like a kid on Christmas Eve excited to wake and open his presents), I meditated for a full hour and I had just returned from a short walk in the forest while listening to a Joe Rogan psychadelic compilation on youtube (skipping over any discussion of bad trips, because that doesn't apply to me, I meditate you see, 20 minutes, everyday!!) and I was as ready as I was every going to be. My freshly ground Magic truffles lay in a glass immersed in lemon juice and in my eyes it appeared as if this concoction was some kind of magical wizardry in which all my questions (and prayers) could and would be answered, my living room was cleaned and I had but a pen and paper ready to scribble down what would be my life purpose, plan and all the answers to the universe that I could then spread to my disinterested famly and friends. Going into it I imagined as though I could sit and the shrooms would magically show a clear path and answer all the questions I wrote down, the big one circled and and underlined and 3 times the size of everything else written on the page, 'WHAT IS MY PURPOSE', you could call that my main trip intention.
I was a little nervous as I chugged down 30 grams of the most disgusting tasting thing I had ingested since my brother undercooked lasagne when mum was away for a conference when I was 13, and the consistncy wasn't winning any best in show awards either, but it was done, I was jyving to some Bob Marley, and the nerves settled, my life was about to change!
Around 15 minutes in, the TV I was streaming my music on started to become wavy and the colours appeared more vivid and vibrant, I turned to my cat and revealed while grinning 'It's starting', and she looked back and said 'You're damn right!' (Just kidding....or am I). I was now vibing hard at this point to the music and was ready to shut it off and jump on the answer train, all aboard, the time had come, I was ready to change. I closed my eyes and lay back.
In the early minutes of my trip I just let my brain wander about a bit and I would vary between thinking the colours behind my eyelids were super cool and deeply considering every showerthought I had perused the night before, thinking different variations of 'huh', 'cool', 'wow', 'Wait, did my cat just talk to me!? 'that's so true' 'I never thought of that' and generally feeling awesome and cool, I had given in to the experience (hahahaha) just like I read online and was advised , that wasn't so hard, probably because I meditate you see, 20 minutes, everyday!! Play time was over now, I was ready to get down to business, 'What is your purpose?', I would repeat this in my head in an non forceful manner not sure at this point what to expect, my body was starting to shake a little bit now and I reached for the comfort of my coach blanket, still feeling good, still vibing, still on my heroes journey, just thought it to be part of the experience, but the shaking didn't stop.
In fact it got worse, maybe I was an hour in at this point and I was completely wrapped from head to neck in several blankets still shaking and starting to grow concerned. My positive vibes and hopes for the trip were out the window and halfway to the next town over at this point and my thoughts had turned darker, and filled with relentless anxiety, the first speed bump in my 'spiritual awakening' came in the form of body shakes and it sent me down the hole of which I would not return while the shrooms were working their magic around my body. 'You bought these online, what if they're poisoned!', 'you're a loser!' and maybe worst of all, 'YOU ARE GOING TO BE THIS WAY FOREVER!', round the merry go round the thoughts went, each time the same statement or feeling I had felt minutes earlier progressively escalated in the gut punch of raw emotion and pain that I felt, each reaffirmation of the feeling making me feel worse and worse.
Maybe I was 90 minutes in now, I was no longer wrapped cosily on the couch vibing to classic reggae, now I was in an inescapable fortress which felt roughly like how I had always imagined hell, except in place of lucifer and never ending physical torture, I was trapped in my own head sitting upright on the couch rocking back and forth staring at my hand as I clung to the notion that I was human, it was the only anchor I had left in this existense, I was never going to give into this experience, I now after the trip realise what posters meant by 'give in', but my brain was so unprepared and I was so unprepared to lose myself completely I did the worst thing I could, I fought...against 30 grams of the strongest strain of Truffles (Maybe 4/5 grams dried)...on a lemon tek, but you see...I meditate...everyday...for....uhhh whatever.
As I stared at my hand it felt like I was in the movie Get Out when the main character is trapped in his own body after step mother of the year hypnotises him with her words and mystical tea cup, but I could still move, I could still pace around the room literally apologising, asking whoever or whatever was listening to let me out. I would consider myself mainly an atheist so looking back and thinking about what I felt in those moments is now interesting, although I imagine many atheists turn to a higher power in their final moments, which as I believed in my heart, I was going to die.
I'll preface this next part by saying that I have a girlfriend who was working during this whole 'ordeal' or otherwise known as 'the incident' and I had carved out a solid 7 hour window in which I knew that I would be left alone to 'discover myself', at this point in the trip one of my main fears riding the merry go round was that my gf would suddenly appear in the doorway separating the kitchen and the living room where I was quickly losing all sense of self and just imagining the worst possible reactions that a human person can emote seeing what she would be exposed to and it was about the worst nightmare I could imagine at that point in time (Although time was a relative term at that point...in existence(?))
Things got worse as the minutes passed, you ever smoke to much, get so baked and then shower and you feel like you are literally in an angels embrace just beyond the pearly gates, another similar feeling of relief is when I stick my head under the tap in the bathroom and guzzle the months water supply of a small nation and literally feel that the feeling is comparable to that of ecstacy, yeah shrooms isn't at all like that is it? But it was my hail mary pass and at that point sitting on the couch praying to the mushroom gods and rocking back and forth staring at my hand like a character in the 3rd act of a 90's horror flick seemed to be pushing me further over the abyss. Walking to the bathroom was horrible, I still had that 'get out' passenger view through my eyes and my legs looked so very very far from my eyes, I decided to stick with a winning (?) formula and cried and prayed the gruelling 20 step walk while staring at my hand although at that point as far as reality anchors go, it was waivering and I was unsure of what I was at that point. I decide (whatever decide means at that point) to go straight to the cold shower and forego the 2nd option of potentially life affirming marathon water chug and as soon as the water hit my scalp I felt better. Haha nah just kidding, showering on shrooms is so alien I can't even describe what it felt like, especially running my hands through my wet hair, feels like aliens touching and carressing my scalp and not in anyway was it comforting, I was to far gone, Actually the cool water slowed my negative thoughts so that was something. I was back in the fetal position, but now I was naked in the shower with ET massaging my scalp as I lapped up cold water from the unwashed shower floor, afraid that if I shifted the water from my head in order to drink from the shower head the bad thoughts would instantly return and I just couldn't have that.
Who knows how deep I was now, how long it had been, what my name was, what I was, where I was or what the fuck was going on, I never gave in to the mushrooms, I kept fighting and fighting the whole way, I was a complete disaster, I hadn't only lost sight of why I was doing this, WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?', I didn't even know anything, nor did I remember ingestion, I was completely gone, my ego was gone, I was praying for what felt like forever, lying on the floor of my shower soaking wet, apologising to a non existent entity and begging to be let go. It was not over.
The shower helped in some ways but not in any real sense, I think I was still only going deeper and deeper into hell and the shower had been my hail mary, my brains sliver of sunshine, my 'AHA! moment' when I was fetal on the couch and it had failed me, I had no moves left, I was sitting up at this point and was shivering and needed to get warm, hot/warm water felt like torture as even slightly warm I was sure it would get hotter without notice and burn me which sent my anxiety through the roof. I finally mustered up the motivation to stand up and make moves, I think I was past the worst of it, I turn around, and my worst nightmare came to life, it came in the form of a person standing in front of me with a dumfounded and terrified look on their face.
Yes, you guessed it, my reflection! An absolute disaster and a true sight to behold, naked shivering and crying in all my wonderful glory. But that couldn't be me, I don't look that much like a primate?? Yes I was in the worst mental shape of my life at that second and I looked as bad as I physically could as a human, but I swear I could have been shipped to a cage in the local zoo, start snacking on whatever deluxe fruit was served that afternoon and noone would have been the wiser, it was terrifying dont look in the mirror! DON'T! I began touching my face and observing the incredible likeness I had to our primal ancestors and any illusions I had about what I actually looked like were shattered. But it did remind me of who I am a bit and that was a slight turning point. Side note, I felt that for a few days after the trip and struggled to look in the mirror without whincing a little bit, I dimmed the lights to the lowest possible setting and showered in the dark, but the feeling passed and I came to terms with the fact that as well as my illusions being shattered, the reality was, I was also out of my mind on shrooms and I was shivering and soaking wet from a freezing cold shower (I also forgot to moiturise that morning) #justshroomythings
Some more time passed and I did feel like I was slowly coming out of it, I still felt terrible, absolutely the worst I have ever felt, except for 5 minutes prior when I felt even worse (if that makes sense) than that and I took so much solace in that, slowly realising you're not going to die is a pretty amazing feeling, remembering who, where and what you are.
I returned to the safety of the pile of 45 blankets I had assembled in the corner of my living room couch and just as I was about to be met beneath them with what I imagine would have been incredible relief I realised that the window was ajar, I had opened it during the start of my meltdown/monster ego death in an attempt to get some fresh air and stay in control, had my inside cat gotten outside? Did a bird of prey take her to their nest to serve as food for their squaking evil offspring, whatever anxiety I had rangled into submission in whatever alotted time I penciled in for my alien shower flew off the handle again and I was back in it, running around the house stark naked screaming my cats name, praying that she was inside sleeping somewhere but she was nowhere to be found, the anxiety was unbearable, I was convinced she was gone and probably deceased, if not somehow decapitated. What would I say to my girlfriend? How could I be so stupid? At this moment I was at my open front door naked with the door which faces quite a busy road between cities screaming my cats name in 2 or 3 degree weather, and just before I completely destroyed my life and stepped outside in full view of whatever neighbour was walking their dog or peaking through the window after hearing a deranged soaking wet naked man that so closely resembled a chimp they wouldn't know whether to call the police or animal control to deal with this issue I hear a 'meow' behind me and I turn and yawning and pacing towards me looking slightly annoyed is my wonderful cat. I feel the most profound sense of relief that I have ever felt, it was truly otherwordly and once I was back inside with the door closed behind me I felt genuine euphoria for about10 minutes, I was crying and hugging my cat, who really wasn't having it but I didnt give her an option at that point.
I was back, side window was closed and I was under the pile of 82 blankets blaring Bob Marley again. The euphoria wore off, but I was out, I had been set free. I sat there with the music turned right down trying to make sense of what the fuck just happened. I said as such over and over and the more the euphoria faded the more active I became, I was pacing the room rubbing my hands over my damp head saying 'What the fuck' to myself genuinely unsure of what had just transpired. I hadn't learned the vast secrets of the universe or been amazed and immersed in the groovy wavy colours, I hadn't figured out my life purpose, or even made any leway in the journey towards it.
I was arrogant and reckless, I thought because I smoked alot of weed and meditated I was ahead of the pack and could take on any experience. I laughed at the idea of a trip sitter, I was so enamoured with the idea of a heroes journey that anything less would have been futile and in my mind pointless. I can say this, I have much more of an appreciation for life now, I thought in those hours that my time was up, that my journey had come to an end and in the early portion of my ego death I felt regret that I hadn't done more and been more. I have been humbled in my everyday life, and I feel as though I strive to be a better person. I now know how much I love my cat and my girlfriend, and am so grateful to have them. I quit sports gambling as a big theme of my trip was how I was a loser and I don't keep track of losses because if I did I would feel ashamed. I remember moments of the trip where I felt incredibly connected to everything, my biggest takeaway from this experience is that we all are connected deeply and that's an amazing thing to know I think. People have commented and messaged me that I'm too hard on myself calling myself an idiot and such, it's mainly in self deprecating jest but also just to hit home the point that any beginners reading this should not make my stupid mistakes! I'm not actually so down on myself! Plus I was reckless and frankly idiotic during this experience.
Anyone reading this who wants to experiment with psychadelics, they are no joke. Just because you've done every other drug under the sun and think you can handle anything, you can't, these things will rip apart the most stable person IF you are reckless with them, if you aren't prepared. Truth is, even someone else had written this and if I read this post before my trip and read the warnings I still think I would have done it, because I was reckless and felt invincible and I know some of you reading this feel that way too (beginners I mean), just start slow you idiot.
I hope this story doesn't deter anyone interested in a psychadelic experience, honestly I thought I would right a summary of my trip and hit post but 5 hours later hear I am proof reading this for the 4th time, writing about it has been theraputic and I appreciate all you real psychonauts who took the time to read it (I tried to make it as entertaining as I could). I'm sure shrooms are amazing and transformative in the right environment and used by the right educated person at a proper beginner level dose, DON'T BE RECKLESS...DON'T BE ME!
The last thing I'll say is that I remember over and over apologising to the 'mushroom gods' or whatever entity I believed was there as I was falling to the depths of hell in my experience and I remember saying that if they let me out, if they let me free and if they allowed me to live I would never return, I would never use shrooms again, that I was unworthy and even though I could potentially take a much lower dose and be fine, I made a promise that afternoon and I intend to keep it, and I'm an atheist (?) so that's just how profound this experience was.

How to Buy Bitcoins and Trade Cryptocurrencies

Since I have a lot of free time these days, and given all the latest news, I thought I'd put together a (hopefully useful) guide on how to get started when it comes to buying Bitcoin (or any other cryptocurrency really) and crypto trading in general. This community and Reddit in general have been very helpful for me, and this is my attempt at contributing with useful content.
With that said, if you have any suggestion please let me know and I'll add it to the post.
Obligatory disclaimer before getting started: there is no magic formula when it comes to making money, my goal is to raise awareness about cryptocurrency and somehow extern my thoughts. Therefore, I am not responsible for any loss you may experience, whether it is related to information provided in this post or not. You are responsible of what you do with your capital and I encourage you to do your own research before risking any money. Also, always be very suspicious of people telling you that a certain investment will for sure be profitable. I added my referral links and want to be completely transparent about it. If you don't feel like using them, that's completely fine.
With that out of the way, let's get started.

Why this post?

Despite the huge cryptocurrency market cap and all the talking on the news, I feel like getting started with cryptocurrency is still not very intuitive for most people. Don't get me wrong, getting started is extremely easy but, despite the simplicity involved, the numerous alternatives available for this kind of investment may often be overwhelming. This guide wants to guide any newcomer step-by-step.

Isn't it too late to buy cryptocurrency?

No, it’s not too late to invest in cryptocurrency. I know, it would have been great if you (and I) bought some Bitcoin back in 2011. However, this doesn’t mean it’s not worth it to buy some now, especially considering the likely economic recession that will follow the COVID-19 pandemic (and that is already going on for that matter). Consider that, at the time of writing, the cryptocurrency market is worth about 530 billion dollars. New cryptocurrencies are constantly being introduced on the market, each one with its own peculiarities: from faster transactions to higher security, from coins focused on anonymity to coins that aim to solve real-world problems.

What is so special about cryptocurrencies anyway?

A complete description of the advantages connected to cryptocurrency is out of scope, and I am sure you would find your answers in this subreddit and on the internet in general. From lower transaction fees and insant payments to the impossibility to reverse a transaction, the list is long. What I want to focus on here, however, are the two main reasons why I personally think cryptocurrency has the potential to revolutionize the economic world: blockchain technology and absence of a man-in-the-middle.

Blockchain 101

Despite the different peculiarities of each cryptocurrency, all of them have one thing in common: some sort of blockchain. A blockchain, as the name suggests, is a growing chain of blocks that are linked to each other. Every new block that gets added to the chain (usually in the form of a transaction) is permanently stored in the blockchain, and cannot be altered in any way.
Cryptocurrencies are just a small part of this extremely innovative technology, and other products such as video games or smart contracts can be built on top of a blockchain.
Think about the potential applications of this technology. Anything we currently use registers or lists to keep track of could virtually rely on a blockchain, and that would guarantee permanent storage of any information. From property registers (think about houses) to food supply chains, there are thousands of areas that would benefit - and are currently benefiting - from this technology.
What does all of this have to do with cryptocurrency? Whenever someone makes a blockchain, they need to create an incentive to make the whole system work and a way to reward its users (and miners). This is where cryptocurrency comes into play: blockchain needs some sort of token exchange in order to work.
While many cryptocurrencies' only job is to back a blockchain system, some of them are created with the clear goal of bringing being a better cryptocurrency for the market. Some reasons may include better anonymity, faster transactions, higher energy efficiency, and so on.

Absence of a man-in-the-middle

The absence of a third-party entity is by itself a great step forward. Think about some of the most successful services that were born in the last few years. Airbnb allows you to immediately get in touch with the property owner, no mediator. Uber allows you to directly contact a driver. When you send money in the form of cryptocurrency, you are letting the network do the job, not a bank. Everything is transparent and every transaction is kept track of.

Can cryptocurrency be used for payments?

Of course.
Unfortunately there is still a big misconception about this aspect, and many people believe that cryptocurrency is useless since it can't be spent. Wrong. First of all, even if it couldn’t be spent, it wouldn’t imply that Bitcoin has no value: crazy gains have been made in the past trading gold, but I’ve never seen anyone pretending to pay with gold at the grocery store.
Second of all, many businesses are accepting Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies as a form of payment, and the list just keeps growing. A few examples? * Overstock * Expedia * Microsoft * Wikipedia * AT&T * NewEgg * Shopify
The list could be as long as you want (Subway, Twitch, Playboy, KFC, Namecheap, you name it), just try to do a quick Google search.
And Amazon? While they don’t accept cryptocurrency payments directly (but hey, they don’t accept PayPal either), you can buy anything they sell by using Purse!

What if I want to go back to cash?

Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies can be converted to cash at any time either at a Bitcoin ATM or through Bitcoin exchanges (I highly suggest Coinbase).

How to invest in Bitcoin and/or trade cryptocurrencies

Having covered the basics, let’s get down to business.
Please remember: you should only invest as much as you are willing to lose. Gains in the cryptocurrency world can be huge, but the opposite can hold as well if you don’t make informed decisions. You definitely don’t want to lose more than you can afford to.
I decided to split this part into three main points: 1. Education 2. Buying Bitcoin (or any other crypto you may want to buy) 3. Trading
Let's first take care of the most important step: education.

Educate yourself to make informed decisions

Make sure you educate yourself, you should learn the basics before starting to trade cryptocurrency. The good things about cryptocurrency is that you don’t need to start out with $10k in order to see some profits and anyone can get started with as little as a few hundred dollars. This, however, does not mean it’s a game, and you should never take cryptocurrency trading as a gambling session. Please, be prepared before trading your assets.

Best resources

There are many books and online resources out there covering trading, forex markets, technical analysis and more. The more you learn and the wider your knowledge of the subject is, the better. With that said, you don't have to read all the books I am suggesting. These are just some resources that I was impressed with and you can lookup if you want to.
Technical analysis: * Charting and Technical Analysis is a very good general book on technical analysis for beginners. * How to Day Trade for a Living is great if you are considering day trading, but you will likely find some useful tips even if you don’t intend to day trade. * How To Swing Trade is possibly one of my favorite books on the subject. If you are not going to day trade and prefer to keep your positions for days or weeks, this is the book for you. * School of Pipsology is a well-organized online course. Taking the whole course might take a while and be overwhelming, you most likely won’t need all of the information provided. * Advanced Techniques in Day Trading is a little more advanced but I found it very good. * Technical Analysis of the Financial Markets is a huge book and probably more academically-oriented, but very good and complete nonetheless.
Psychology (don't underestimate this aspect): * The Disciplined Trader * Trading in the Zone
These last two books don't need a description (just look at the reviews) and will take your trading game to another level. Trading is probably 90% psychology, do not underestimate this aspect if you want to be successful.
Whatever book/site/video you choose to rely upon for your education, the important thing is to get to a point where you can understand the basics of charting before you start dealing with money. At first, all the information may seem a little overwhelming but, after a while, you will get used to different types of candles, volume patterns, moving averages and even more.

Understand how you would like to invest

There are two main types of investors in the cryptocurrency world: * Those who buy a BTC (or ETH, or any cryptocurrency) and keep it, waiting for its value to grow over time. * Those who buy and sell crypto in order to boost their BTC holdings (this is what I suggest you look into if you can dedicate some time to crypto trading, but it's not for everyone).
In the first case, to keep everything simple, let’s say you are confident that BTC price will grow. So you buy 1 BTC at \$10,000 and sell it later for \$20,000: the price of BTC has doubled, you made a +100% profit. Easy as that.
In the second case let's say you buy the same BTC at \$10,000 and start trading BTC with other cryptocurrencies (Litecoin, Ripple, Stellar, there are thousands) that increase their value against BTC. After a while, having these altcoins increased in value against BTC, you don’t have 1 BTC anymore. In fact, you may end up having 1.5 BTC that you can still sell for \$20,000 each, for a total of \$30,000. You obviously made more money in this case.
The second strategy can be extremely profitable if you buy at the right time (partnerships announcements, technological advancements in the underlying technology, and so on), and spikes of 100% in a short time are not uncommon for smaller market cap cryptocurrencies. Of course, the opposite hold as well, so be extremely careful when buying and only trade if you think there is a underlying reason for doing so, not just because you feel like it. Again: education and discipline are key.

Focus on your BTC holdings, don’t reason in USD value

With reference to the example above, it should be clear how important it is to focus on how much Bitcoin you have, not how many USD it is currently worth. Focusing solely on USD is an error a lot of people make, but try to think about it this way. Just like above, you buy 1 BTC for \$10,000 and start investing in altcoins, you lose some of the BTC you had and end up having 0.8 BTC. Now you sell your BTC (again for $20,000 each) and get \$16,000. Obviously you made a \$6000 profit, which is still a nice 60% return, but you would have been better off just holding your initial 1 BTC.

Buying Bitcoin (or any other cryptocurrency)

In order to send and receive cryptocurrencies, you need a wallet. I strongly suggest you use Coinbase to buy, since it is the most used and the safest website when it comes to buying cryptocurrencies. If you buy through this referral link, you get \$10 more if you buy at least \$100 within 180 days of opening your online account.
Beside BTC, you can choose to buy some other cryptocurrencies such as Ethereum (ETH), Litecoin (LTC) or Bitcoin Cash (BCH). They accept all kinds of cards and you can also link your bank account if you wish to do so, this allows you to convert your cryptocurrency holdings back to USD (or EUR and many other currencies) and have it deposited in your bank account directly.
The buying process is straightforward and the instructions on the website are very clear. Once you have verified your account, you only need to choose how much BTC to buy and that’s it.
The general advice in the cryptocurrency community is to start by investing about \$200-\$300 in order to be able to see some gains right away, but of course it is up to you to choose how much you want to invest. You can invest thousands of dollars as well as $20 or lower, your call.
Keep in mind that, if you invest too little, you may end up not reaching the minimum trading amount needed to buy other cryptocurrencies.
Once again: never risk more than you are willing to lose.

How to trade cryptocurrencies

In order to trade different cryptocurrencies, you need to move your funds to an exchange. I highly suggest Binance, which now has the highest trading volume among the cryptocurrency exchanges. If you sign up using this link, you will get a 5% back on every commission on the website, which really adds up over time.
Once you have your cryptocurrency on Coinbase and have an exchange account, you can transfer your holdings from one site to the other.
On Binance (the process is similar for other exchanges as well) navigate to Wallet -> Spot Wallet and find the cryptocurrency you bought on Coinbase. If you bought BTC on Coinbase, look for BTC and click on Deposit, otherwise choose the appropriate coin. You will be presented a Deposit Address which you need to copy.
Now move to Coinbase and click on Send, you only have to paste the address which you want to send money to (the one you copied on Binance): be very careful to paste the right address, or you may lose your money.
Done! Don’t worry if the transaction takes a while. BTC normally takes 10-30 minutes, but sometimes a few hours are needed due to the large amount of transactions. ETH and LTC transactions are usually faster, and you may want to buy one of them instead of BTC if you want your money on Binance quickly (or if you want to save on fees). Grab a cup of coffee and wait until your funds become available on Binance.
Now what? You have your money on Binance and can trade whatever cryptocurrency you wish. Just click on Markets and you will be presented with a huge selection of coins, from this page you can buy or sell each of them. Under the price chart of every pair you can see the Limit, Market and Stop-Limit tabs: * Limit: place a buy/sell order at the price you prefer (looking at the panes on the left – current sell and buy orders – may be helpful) * Market: you automatically buy/sell at the current most convenient market price * Stop-Limit: allows you to place conditional buy/sell orders
Ideally, you are looking for a low market cap coin which is still undervalued and you believe will become more successful in the future.
I suggest you always do your own research before choosing a coin to invest in, avoid buying impulsively or you will lose money. Also, don’t buy a cryptocurrency just because you read it or heard it somewhere. You may not lose money the first time but, eventually you will regret it. Don’t randomly pick a coin because its value is increasing. Again, it may work the first or the second time, but sooner or later you will regret it.
Finally, make sure to always place a stop loss. That way, even if the most unlikely and unexpected market change happens, an order will be placed for you even if you are sleeping. There’s really no reason not to place a stop loss.

Stay informed to be profitable

The following are some of the websites I personally use when looking for potentially profitable investments: * Coinmarketcap (all the alts you can possibly buy are listed here, along with market cap, volume, price and many other indicators) * Reddit * Bitcointalk * Trading View * Telegram channels * Twitter and some other dedicated forums
Be aware of people who try to make you invest in a particular cryptocurrency just because it may be advantageous for them. I can’t stress this point enough, make sure you do your own research.
When I am looking for a new potential cryptocurrency to invest in, I also like to visit the official website and check if the website looks professional or if it is just trying to create hype. Some questions you should look for answers to are: * What is the real value of the coin (why is it better than the other ones)? * What is the team behind the cryptocurrency? * What real problems does coin solve? * Is the supply limited? * Is there a whitepaper? * What about this project's roadmap? * ...and so on.
If I am confident about my research, and only at that point, I proceed with the trade.

Final considerations

Never risk more than you are willing to lose
Don’t be scared of the high volatility. If you are aware of what you are doing, you can get unbelievable gains.
Never buy solely based on the fact that the value of a cryptocurrency is going up.

I know I stressed these points way too many times, but you'd be surprised of how many people lose money in stupid ways.
This is my humble attempt at making cryptocurrency more accessible to everyone, hopefully someone will find it useful. Please let me know if I forgot anything, I'll be glad to credit your contribution.
Good luck and thanks for reading.

Affiliate marketing

The problems involved in having people around who have unresolved autonomy and identity issues

I'm drawing from this article: Reciprocal Reactivity, Ego Protection & the Cycle of Addiction: The Interpersonal Pandemic of the New Century?
There are various psychological terms describing this condition (or suite of conditions):

"parataxic integration": when two people, usually intimate with each other (i.e. parents and children, spouses, romantic partners, business associates), are reciprocally reactive to each other’s seductions, judgmental inaccuracies, hostile comments, [ego-defending narcissistic compensations and manipulations] or other 'triggering' behaviors. One says or does something causing the other to react, setting off a cyclical 'ping-pong,' 'tit-for-tat,' 'you-get-me-and-I-get-you-back' oscillation of verbal, emotional] and/or behavioral reactions.

...parataxical integration as typical in the interpersonal behavior of couples with unresolved autonomy (i.e. separation, boundary) and identity issues.

"co-dependence": also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive Source
"reciprocal reactivity": the interactive escalation of the fight-flight-freeze response

Here is a description of how they manifest behaviorally:

"attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel... become resentful when others decline their help or reject their advice... refuse to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate... adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes."
I spent a lot of time working in the field of addiction research and treatment, and because I'm familiar with the psychology and neurobiology of not only substance abuse but so-called "behavioral" addiction (e.g.: gambling, sex, romance, religion, work, shopping, Internet, being seen as "right," political and social causes, etc.), may I propose for consideration that RR may well fit in that rubric? And then ask the same question here I have asked addicts hundreds of times over the past several years: "Will the addict ever stop using SOMETHING if he or she remains depressed, anxious, shameful or angry?"

THAT's the problem - the answer tends to be "No". Abusers want to get their victims addicted so that they'll always been there for the abusers to abuse. That's why abusers spend so much time and energy tearing down their victims' self-image - that renders their victim more tractable. SGI fosters this kind of unhappiness because it is more USEFUL for SGI. We've covered this before:

In order to be effective, a mass movement must achieve unity. For this purpose, its best technique "consists basically in the inculcation and cultivation of proclivities and responses indigenous to the frustrated mind." Here again, Soka Gakkai follows the script very closely. If we note Hoffer's own selective list of the propensities of the frustrated mind, we can readily see that Soka Gakkai appeals directly to each of them.

1) A deprecation of the present. Mankind now is living in Mappo, the "latter days of the Law," a degenerate age.
2) A facility for make-believe. All the power of Buddhism resides in the Gohonzon, the tablet on which Nichiren is supposed to have inscribed the Daimoku.
3) A proneness to hate. All other religions are heretical, and their protagonists are deceitful rascals who must be unmasked and defeated.
4) A readiness to imitate. By reciting the Daimoku and practicing shakubuku according to prescription, the members increase their faith and begin to realize concrete benefits in their daily lives.
5) Credulity. This is the True Buddhism; therefore, even though one may not understand its profound doctrines, he need never doubt the supremacy of this religion.
6) A readiness to attempt the impossible. The goal of Soka Gakkai is kosen-rufu, the evangelization of the entire world.

The unity achieved in this manner can be maintained and strengthened by means of a tightly controlled organization. It is one of the enigmas of a rising mass movement that while its adherents have a strong sense of liberation, they also find congenial and comfortable an atmosphere of strict obedience to rules and commands. Not real freedom but fraternity and uniformity, signifying deliverance from the frustrations of independent, individual existence, are the goals. A mass movement would default on its promises if it failed to provide an authoritarian structure that is conducive to so complete an assimilation of the individual that he will cease to "see himself and others as human beings." This, indeed, has been the result for thousands of Soka Gakkai members. They no longer see themselves as undistinguished members of human society; their primary citizenship is in True Buddhism, through which they are linked to a force and an organization that are changing the world. - from "The propensities of the frustrated mind" - which Soka Gakkai exploits

We've already noted the communication difficulties that arise from SGI members' inability to distinguish themselves from the SGI as a whole - or even from its guru, Daisaku Ikeda. Any criticism of the SGI or Ikeda, they take personally, as if they themselves were being criticized. Thus, they mistake generalized criticism of the organization and its effects for "cyberbullying" of themselves personally. "Cyberbullying, by definition, is directed at individuals. And they're certainly not content to just leave people alone to do whatever they're doing somewhere else in their own space amongst themselves - they must CONTROL EVERYTHING!

"Frustrated control-freaks gravitate to orgs like SGI! It promised us we could take control over whatever bullshit was going on in our lives and be victorious!"

SGI members are much more self-centered and self-involved in general than the rest of the population - as we can easily infer from those who found "You can chant for whatever you want!" to be an effective appeal, and less interested in marriage and family, according to studies. It was my experience that SGI members tended to be very self-centered, focused intensively on "changing their karma" and improving their lives through ineffectual chanting. Their persistent failures increased their frustration and even desperation, which they were taught could only be resolved through greater devotional efforts. "The frustrated mind" is one of the key factors that mass movements such as Soka Gakkai/SGI exploit, so the fact that they set their membership up for ever more frustration should be a vital piece of information communicated ahead of time to all potential ~~victims~~ recruits. Source

[SGI] creates disappointment, and then more pressure on top of disappointment. Source

Related:
Object of a totalitarian organization: keep members permanently isolated within confines of official propaganda - "THE LONELY MEMBER"
SGI relies on Groupthink to control its members
The SGI can only appeal to people who are frustrated and dissatisfied with themselves - the happy and content need not apply
The SGI members expect us to change for them - but somehow, they never feel any sort of obligation to change anything for us! Isn't that an interesting one-way dynamic?
They accuse us of being wrong and posting "misinformation", yet refuse to address the sources we're citing - and their own criticisms rely solely on their own opinions ("I don't like this/I don't agree with this") rather than on sources that could demonstrate actual, FACTUAL wrongness.
This all points to control-freaks who have no actual interest in facts or truth, but whose only purpose is to browbeat and bully others into submission and compliance. VERY SGI.

"Unity" sounds like a good thing, doesn't it? The problem is, SGI's (or an abusive person's) idea of unity can be very damaging and dangerous. In this kind of unity, you become one with a person or group -- by sacrificing yourself for them, giving up anything that they don't like, no matter how important it is to you. The sacrificing only goes one way -- the abusive person or group does not have to give up anything for you. Source

We don't even want to be in their group, yet they still think they can impose their demands on us! That asking us to do things their way, to their satisfaction is an appropriate thing to do! That inviting us to an online equivalent of a cult activity - when we've made it abundantly clear we LEFT the SGI and will not have anything further to do with it * - indicates delusional thinking *and prioritizing their own desires so highly that they become completely oblivious about who they're talking to. Since only their opinion matters, they don't even remember to "read the audience" - which makes them look boorish, pretentious, self-involved, inconsiderate, condescending, and rude. They get this from SGI.

Because it's pretty evident to many who understand the Cycle of Addiction and who've read most of the major experts on the topic that all addictions are intra-personal forms of ... reciprocal reactivity. Source

Here's some lovely SGI advice for those SGI members who are so very unhappy with how we conduct ourselves over here in our own space:

"Slander - Even if you commit slander without realizing it, it is still slander. One should never criticize leaders. Right or wrong, one should not complain at all. Instead, one can chant for them to grow and one will benefit from that too. ... Further, do not depend / rely on others. Do not complain that they don't do this or that. Criticism will bring no benefit. But it will certainly bring negative effects." - SGI Vice President Kawai Source

Okay, SGI malcontents - hop to it! CHANGE that karma. OR ELSE!

When 45 minutes becomes 26 years: How did Robbin Lewis Slaughter––a 36-year-old man who lived a private life and rarely left his hometown of Owensboro, KY––vanish without a trace while walking to a convenience store 5 blocks away?

This is an extremely bizarre missing persons case which I’m surprised hasn’t been covered before on this sub. Unfortunately there is very little media coverage available freely online and the media coverage the case did receive was exclusively from the local newspaper. I discovered that I can essentially make the articles available if I paid for the Newspapers.com Publisher Edition and 'clipped' them (clipped articles are public). You should be able to click on the link and it will take you to a scan of the original news source but if this doesn't work please comment and let me know!
"A sweet and lovable person"
Robbin Lewis Slaughter was born to Dorothy ‘Dot’ Slaughter and William J. Slaughter in Owensboro, KY in the predominately black West End neighborhood. By all accounts, Slaughter––who was 36-years-old at the time of his disappearance––was a bit of a homebody. He kept his social circle small and rarely ventured outside the 5 or 6 places he frequented in town. He didn’t drive and usually got around town on foot––even his workplace was 1.3 miles (less than a 30-minute walk) from his home. He didn’t drink, gamble, or go out on the town. Slaughter’s coworkers at the Owensboro Public Works Department described the 16-year-veteran clean-up crew member as a diligent and hard worker who was never late or missed a day of work. Rudd Slaughter, Robbin’s older brother, was also employed by the department as a sanitation truck driver and the pair would sometimes work together.
“He’s a good worker. He’s very dependable,” said Cissy Gregson, director of Owensboro’s sanitation department. “He’s easygoing. He wouldn’t get in a confrontation with anybody.”
Slaughter was extraordinarily close with his family. “Even though he was grown, he lived with my mom until a couple of months before he was married,” Slaughter’s sister Kitty Board said. Dot even had power of attorney over her son’s finances up until he married Lucinda.
“He was a sweet and lovable person, but he needed looking after,” Board said.
Robbin Slaughter married his childhood friend Lucinda in 1991 after a whirlwind romance. The pair went out a few times when Lucinda was 15, although the two didn’t begin dating seriously until 12 years later when they reconnected at church. After Lucinda was critically injured in a car accident in 1990, Robbin visited her regularly during the two months she was in the hospital. Lucinda says Robbin’s frequent visits convinced her of his caring nature and she started to see him as a potential father figure for her two daughters.
Robbin’s family was skeptical of his budding romance and felt the couple was moving too fast. Both Slaughter’s brother and mother said they noticed a change in his behavior after the marriage. He used to like to listen to music and sports but “he cut back when he got married” according to Rudd.
“He changed,” his brother recalled. “He wouldn’t come out as often. He settled down, just went to work and church.” Slaughter’s mother reported that after his marriage to Lucinda, he didn’t visit as often (he used to visit her once a month).
His sister said that even after the marriage her family never accepted her brother’s wife and stepdaughters, and that there was a mutual agreement that “we don’t question each other’s lives." Lucinda herself readily admitted that Slaughter’s family didn’t get along with her, although she claims that she reconciled with Slaughter’s mother in the years following Robbin’s disappearance.
Slaughter was the polar opposite of someone who would run away to start a new life.
"He never went on any trips without family," said Slaughter's sister, Kitty Board. “He didn't stay away from home.... He never ventured out of his comfort zone. If you would say, 'Where's Robbin?' there were five or six places he could be."
Timeline –– (Google Map of important locations)
When Slaughter vanished on the evening of Saturday, November 14, 1993 it was a shock.
“He’d not been out of state and very seldom out of town,” Board said. “He’s not the type of person who would plan to leave.”
Slaughter’s wife Lucinda told police that that evening, at around 9pm, her husband left their home at 2714 West 10th Street to walk to Franey’s Food Mart which was a trip he made frequently. It was an unseasonably warm day for mid-November, with a high near 75 degrees. At night, however, the temperature dropped as a line of evening thunderstorms moved through the area so Slaughter chose to put his gray and blue sweater on over his athletic shirt. He was also wearing a pair of blue jeans and white tennis shoes.
Lucinda said that Slaughter let her know that he would be back in around 40 to 45 minutes. She told police that her husband was not distraught when he left the house and did not notice anything strange about his behavior.
The convenience store was less than a 15-minute walk from Slaughter’s home so it made a perfect destination for an evening walk. Of the two possible routes he could have taken, both went through quiet, tree-lined streets dotted with small single-family homes. Franey’s is located at the intersection of Cravens Avenue and Carter Road on the far west end of town. The southwest corner of this intersection marks the beginning of a vast expanse of farmland and open fields. On this night, however, Slaughter never made it inside the store.
The next morning at around 9 or 9:30am Lucinda Slaughter knocked on Board’s door, inquiring as to whether Board had seen her brother. When Board said that she hadn’t, Slaughter reported her husband missing.
Being a small, locally-owned chain, the cashier at Franey’s was familiar with Slaughter as he was a regular customer. Connie Carlisle, the cashier working on the night of Slaughter’s disappearance, told police that Slaughter never entered the store that evening, something which a review of surveillance footage from inside the store confirmed. One witness placed him in the parking lot at Franey’s but this report was never confirmed.
“A (teen-age) boy talked with him in the parking lot, but he (Slaughter) never came in,” Carlisle later told a reporter. According to Carlisle, Slaughter and this boy “were friends.” The police apparently talked to the teenager Slaughter was last seen with but the boy denied talking with Slaughter and said he had only seen him in the parking lot.
His mother and siblings quickly cast doubt on the idea that Slaughter chose to disappear––he was extremely close with his family and would never abandon them. Sgt. Michael Walker of the Owensboro Police Department’s criminal investigations bureau concurred with the family’s assessment, stating that “there were no extraordinary circumstances that stood out as to why he would fit the profile of someone who would want to get away from it all.” The police did not find anything in Slaughter’s background that indicated he had any reason to disappear.
"He had family here," Sgt. Walker said. "There were no significant issues he was facing that would prompt him to take off without a word to anyone."
Slaughter did not have any financial troubles or known enemies that might have led him to abandon his quiet life in Owensboro. Both Lucinda and Slaughter’s family said that he was happy in the marriage and that he cared deeply for his stepdaughters.
Even if Slaughter wanted to leave Owensboro and start a new life elsewhere, he would need to either get a ride from someone or take public transportation because he didn’t have a car. A year and a half before Slaughter’s disappearance a new bus terminal opened at 1216 E. 2nd Street with daily service to Evansville and Henderson. The terminal is just over a 3 mile walk from the Franey’s Food Mart where Slaughter was last seen and would take him roughly an hour to travel there on foot. Besides, a number of Slaughter’s relatives lived close by.
At the same time, there was no evidence a crime had taken place. Yet police see no other possibility aside from foul play.
“They should have done this years ago”: Investigating (and excluding) Lucinda as a suspect
The police investigation quickly hit a dead end in 1993, which is perhaps partially due to a number of problems impacting the department. Chief Ulysses Embry, a 40-year veteran of the Owensboro Police Department, retired in May of 1992 and left the department in need of new leadership. Tensions between the Police Department and City Hall reached a fever pitch in 1993 when disgruntled patrol officers with the Fraternal Order of Police organized a Back the Blue campaign. The department had also recently hired a number of new officers, most of whom were young and inexperienced.
“The police department has got some young boys,” Embry told reporters in 1993. “These boys mean well, but they will learn that they have got the responsibility of their job.”
The police were slow to investigate Slaughter's disappearance initially and none of the news reports mentions a search being conducted for him. The extent of the police investigation in 1993 appears to have consisted of two 'witness' interviews (the clerk and the teenage boy) and a review of surveillance footage from Franey's. It wasn't until 2002 that police are known to have conducted a physical search for Slaughter.
Two searches of Lucinda Calhoun’s (she remarried in the years following Robbin's disappearance) former property at 2714 W. 10th Street were conducted in 2002 and a portion of the property was excavated after cadaver dogs alerted to the location. A separate portion of the adjoining backyard of 2710 W. 10th Street, Lucinda's mother's house, was also excavated. Officers originally identified Lucinda as a possible suspect in the early weeks of Slaughter’s disappearance based on rumors that she had harmed her husband. Lt. Ken Bennett declined to disclose how authorities obtained the new information but said that “it’s more detailed [...] than the earlier rumors." Lucinda gave police permission to search and excavate the backyard, but on the second day of the search police returned with a search warrant for the home on the property because they expected to conduct a “much more elaborate” search.
[Photos of the search]
Authorities dug two holes on Lucinda’s property––one 6-feet deep by 10-feet wide portion was excavated along the back fence with a second 3-feet deep by 3-feet wide excavation site in the center of the backyard. Before dawn on the second day of the search, detectives used Luminol inside the home to search for blood and seized a handful of items––including a door––for additional testing.
“They said they would do this quietly, and they’re here at church time,” Lucinda told reporters during the search. “They should have done this nine years ago.”
After the searches of Lucinda’s property came up empty in 2002, police officially classified Slaughter’s disappearance as a cold case. Lt. Bennett told the media at the time that the case would remain cold until new information surfaces. In the meantime, Lt. Bennett said that the Owensboro Police would continue to treat Slaughter’s disappearance as a noncriminal missing person case.
Lucinda accused the police of harassment, claiming that they unfairly targeted her as a suspect in her husband’s disappearance. Members of the St. Louis-based Universal African People’s Organization joined Lucinda’s family and friends in gathering in front of Lucinda’s former home to provide moral support and call attention to what they described as "police harassment." Representatives of the group later met with Mayor Waymond Morris and Owensboro Police Chief John Kazlauskas.
Morris told the media that he had a “very cordial conversation” with the group, although he dismissed the accusations of harassment as unfounded.
“I just listened to what they said, and I told them I’d look into it,” Morris recalled. “They said they wanted me to look into possible harassment. I think they feel like that maybe on several different occasions the police department has been overaggressive in searching.”
Police excluded Lucinda as a suspect in her husband's disappearance after the search in 2002. She has always maintained her innocence and continues to search for answers in his case.
Racism
While researching this case, I came across an online forum page for Owensboro where residents apparently discuss community issues (in reality it seems to be used to gossip/harass people). One of the posts, created a month ago, concerns Robbin’s nephew who still lives in the town and reads:

“I wonder if that loud mouth n***** still works at Hunter Douglas, I quit because I got sick of listening to his loud mouth, he is one worthless n*****!!!”

Did police ever search the area around Franey's food mart? From what I can tell, they only searched Lucinda's property. If they didn't search the area––why not? Did the police take the case seriously from the beginning?
Given the fact that Slaughter's mother had power of attorney over his finances until he was in his 30s and he didn't drive, it seems highly unlikely that he could have disappeared on his own (although he has no motive to run away). The only scenario in which a voluntary disappearance makes sense to me is if Slaughter met someone and the two planned on starting a new life together somewhere else. But who?
As far as I know, Lucinda was eliminated as a suspect after the searches in 2002 leaving the police with zero other leads. Was this a random crime of opportunity and Slaughter just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? Could he have seen something he shouldn't have and been kidnapped and killed in retaliation?

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3 months ago I posted a writeup about Robbin Slaughter, a 37-year-old man who vanished without a trace while walking to a convenience store in Owensboro, KY in 1993—NAMUS has forwarded my potential match with the Cleveland John Doe to law enforcement for DNA comparison!

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When 45 minutes becomes 26 years: How did Robbin Lewis Slaughter––a 36-year-old man who lived a private life and rarely left his hometown of Owensboro, KY––vanish without a trace while walking to a convenience store 5 blocks away?

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